


Delicate

by katjellybean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, My First Fanfic, Oneshot, Onesided Tsukkiyama, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, implied kagehina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katjellybean/pseuds/katjellybean
Summary: "Granted, they’re not officially in a relationship, but Kei believes that to be only because they’ve already acted as though they are a couple for so long, there’s no need to question that they belong together. Not everyone shares this belief though."In which Tsukishima does some reflection upon his relationship with Yamaguchi.





	Delicate

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and salutations! This is my first fic so please keep that in mind while you read this. But I hope you enjoy it anyways! I started, like, three different stories before I just went with this one oops. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Haikyuu characters or anything like that.

   In the sanctity of his room, Kei can pretend that the boy in front of him, whose lips press against his own in such a familiar way, is the only person in the world that matters. This boy, Yamaguchi, has accepted him for all he has to give without question, which is more than Kei can say for, well, most of the people he knew. He knows that his comments are typically more taunting than helpful and that he had a tendency to rub others the wrong way. But instead of dismissing Kei, or even trying to change him, Yamaguchi just took it all in stride. Even during the lowest points in Kei’s life, he still can barely hold a proper conversation with his brother, his best friend has remained by his side through it all. It’s strange though, when he really stops to think about it, that Yamaguchi is his best friend. And nothing more. They are not in a romantic relationship and yet Kei is pretty sure that he’s received the benefits part of “friends with benefits” more times than can be ignored. It’s not that Kei doesn’t want to be boyfriends, nor is it that he thinks he’ll meet resistance from his family and teammates. It’s more that he just doesn’t know how to approach Yamaguchi about these feelings.

* * *

 

   Despite Kei’s hesitance to broach the subject with Yamaguchi, it’s apparently inevitable that his tendency to bottle his emotions would come back to bite him. As it happens though, his doesn't even notice the overflow until it’s too late.

   It’s between hot, uneven breathes that it slips out the first time. He feels Yamauchi tense beneath him before he realizes that anything out of the norm has happened at all.

   Kei doesn’t know how to react, he’s not even entirely sure if someone actually said it or if he’s accidentally hurting Yamaguchi. But he has a sneaking suspicion that his thoughts have indeed slipped out and are out in the open for both parties to hear. And judge. And Yamaguchi is looking at him with eyes that he couldn’t bring himself to look away from. Something in that half-lidded gaze made Kei’s stomach flip and he prays that it was just his imagination because surely Yamaguchi wouldn’t be looking at him like that if he had actually said _that_.

   “ _I love you too, T-Tsukki_ ,” breathes out Yamaguchi after a moment of silence that bordered uncomfortable.

    _So_ , Kei reasons, _I must_ have _said it._ He’s not entirely sure how to feel about his slip-up but he supposes that since Yamaguchi is still here, lying underneath him, and is starting to rub his hands up and down underneath Kei’s shirt again, that he doesn’t have much to worry about. Except maybe that he is definitely going to be sore at practice tomorrow.

* * *

 

   The next time Kei’s emotion get the best of him is considerably more genuine though just as unintentional.

   Kei is walking home with Yamaguchi after practice -which felt much longer than a couple hours as he had to endure Hinata and Kageyama bickering the whole time- and tries to listen as his best friend complains about the unfair amount of homework assigned that day and that surely the teachers were all students at one point so shouldn’t they have a little bit of sympathy but he can’t help as his mind begins to wander to the Freak Duo and their relationship. Or possible lack of one.

   Kei is unsure of the likelihood of such a romance between his two teammates, lacking considerable experience in that department. Sure, he knows that Daichi and Suga had gotten together since graduating two years ago, but their dynamic is quite different from that of Hinata and Kageyama so Kei doubts that he can use them as a frame of reference. And it’s not like Kei can just ask whether or not the two are dating, or well, he _can,_ he just was _not_ going to do that. He’d just have to rely on his observational skills for now. From what he could tell, the idiots were steadily growing closer, the remarks of “dumbass” and “Bakageyama” more nicknames now than actual insults. He had often heard of the saying “opposites attract” and Hinata and Kageyama were definitely contrasts of each other. Hinata seems to exist so brightly that it hurt sometimes, his boundless energy and knack for making friends with even the most recluse people was...admirable, Kei admits to himself. Meanwhile, Kageyama is, well, just that. Kageyama is exceptionally skilled, yes, at volleyball, but in regards to social interactions, his teammate definitely left something to be desired. He is awkward around others, either too oblivious or unintentionally aggressive to the point of being almost intolerable, though a part of Kei reminds himself that he doesn’t have much room to speak on someone being intolerable.

   And yet, despite these clashing personalities, the two have become so intertwined with each other, Kei wouldn’t be surprised if behind closed doors, volleyball-calloused hands link together in tender bliss. Kei realizes, however reluctantly, that he and Yamaguchi share this trait as well. Perhaps not the part about being opposite but definitely the part about the closed doors. There undoubtedly has been some linking of hands, amongst other body parts, in the third year’s room. But the important part of the equation was the feelings part. Over the years, he’s come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t mind growing old with Yamaguchi in a little apartment in some far off city. He admits that he wouldn’t mind returning to said apartment from work and hearing Yamaguchi’s call of welcome home as he steps inside. He confesses that he wouldn’t mind slow dancing with Yamaguchi to some sappy love song in the living room before retiring to their room to hold each other and just _be_ with each other in a sleepy sanctuary.

   Kei is torn from his thoughts as he registers Yamaguchi’s farewell. He hadn’t realized that he spent the whole walk thinking about Yamaguchi instead of listening to him and Kei almost feels bad ashe replies with his own goodbye. Except, and Kei blames his previous train of thought for, he accidentally lets slip another “I love you.”

  Yamaguchi pauses and a look that Kei can’t quite put his finger on flickers across his face before Yamaguchi gives him a soft smile and returns the sentiment.

   “ _I love you too, Tsukki._ ”

   As Kei watches Yamaguchi continue his walk to his front door, he feels his ears burn with a blush that is most likely painting his entire face an embarrassing shade of strawberry red. He turns finally and thinks that he wouldn’t mind doing any of those things with Yamaguchi at all.

* * *

 

   Over time, Kei’s slip-ups occur less often, replaced by purposeful statements of affection. He’s not nearly as bothered by it as he once was and every time Yamaguchi replies with his own affirmation of this shared sentiment, his confidence in their relationship steadily rises. Granted, they’re not officially in a relationship, but Kei believes that to be only because they’ve already acted as though they are a couple for so long that there is no need to question that they belong together. Not everyone shares this belief though. Hinata, though his intentions stemmed from innocent concern, really should mind his own business, in Kei’s opinion. However, his teammate’s words of doubt burn in the back of his mind so he decides that there’s no harm in bringing these doubts up with Yamaguchi.

   Only, there is harm. Yamaguchi is being too quiet, is looking too guilty. Kei’s heart starts to pound irregularly as he sits on Yamaguchi’s bed, facing the freckled face that is pointed down and almost out of sight.

   “Yamaguchi. It’s not true, right? What Hinata said. When he said that you don’t seem to love me the way I do you.”

   “...”

   “Yamaguchi.”

   “...Tsukki.”

   “Tadashi, please.”

   Yamaguchi looks up at his name and Kei almosts wishes he had continued to turn away instead. The other boy looks pained, as if _he_ is the one whose heart is on the line, not Kei’s. He plays with his fingers as he tries to find an answer, nails digging in hard enough that Kei almost wants to reach out and stop him. But he needs to know. Kei needs to know that Yamaguchi loves him in the same way.

   “Is Hinata right? Are you faking this whole ‘I love you’ thing? Have you really just been messing with me this whole time?”

   “No! Tsukki, I swear it’s not like that.”

   “Well, then why haven’t you told me that you loved me first? Why do you only ever say it after I do?”

   “Tsukki, please. Let’s not fight about this. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.”

    Kei scrunches his face up.

   “What do you mean that this is exactly what you wanted to avoid ? Avoid what? Me figuring out that everything you’ve told me has been a lie? Oh my God, you’re just like Akiteru. You know how much it destroyed me when we went to that game and I learned that he lied to me so many times. But you’re still same thing that he did! Why would you lie to me, Tadashi??”

    His voice is rapidly rising and Yamaguchi is shrinking into himself but Kei can’t bring himself to get past this point. “Do you think I’m stupid? That I can’t realize when I’m being lied to by my own best friend?? Well, I guess you’re fucking right because it took Hinata of all people to point it out before I noticed.”

   “Tsu-”

   “No, Yamaguchi, goddammit. I can’t believe I was so ignorant! I mean, it was right in front of me. You! You were right in front of me, waiting and toying with me. And I didn’t notice a thing!”

   “Wait, Tsu-”

   “I just don’t understand why you went through the effort of keeping up the charade that you cared. What could you possibly have to gain from this?” Kei is mad, absolutely furious, but he is also hurt and can only mutter his last few words as he takes his glasses off and presses his palms against his eyes to block out the burning sensation of tears forming.

   Yamaguchi takes this opportunity to lean forwards, reaching for Kei’s hands but stopping just short of actual contact.

   “Tsukki, listen, I didn’t want us to end up like my parents. They were so in love but now… I can’t remember the last time they spoke to each other without screaming. I-I was scared. I was scared because I didn’t want what happened to them to happen to us so when you said ‘I love you’ that first time I didn’t know what to do. I had sort of hoped that it was a sort of heat-of-the-moment thing that would be forgotten the next day. But then it happened again, and again, and again so I just went with it because at that point it was too late for me to go back and say anything different. I didn’t want you to hate me because I had lied to you but I was so scared of your love turning into hate anyway that I did what I thought I could do to prolong it. I...I had hoped that eventually I could return the feeling and tell you for real but…”

   Kei stays quiet for a moment before questioning in a strained voice, with his hands still over his eyes, “So, you don’t love me? At all?”

   Yamaguchi looks down again before shaking his head, “I’m sorry, Tsukki. I don’t love you the way you love me.”

   Yamaguchi has barely finished speaking before Kei stands up and gathers his things that had been haphazardly abandoned on the floor earlier that night. He felt humiliated and sped towards the door and out of the house, ignoring Yamaguchi’s pleas for him to wait as he scrambled off of his bed.

* * *

 

  Kei didn’t know what this development meant for his friendship with Yamaguchi, now that he’s learned that it has never been anything more than just that, nor will it ever be. Lying on his bed, he ignores all of Yamaguchi’s calls and texts message from and is reluctant to consider what practice will bring in the morning. He doesn’t know how this will affect the team because although he is finding his passion for volleyball again, he’s not sure he could spend all that time with Yamaguchi on the court. Maybe Kei should quit the team. There’s no way he’s letting Yamaguchi quit, like he will probably try to do if the tension gets to be too much. And while Kei can’t be sure if he’ll ever forgive Yamaguchi completely, he knows that the pinch server has improved far too much to give up now over such a trivial matter. Kei wishes it was a trivial matter, anyways. It would be easier then to move on. But for the time being all he can do is turn his phone off and close his eyes. He hopes he dreams a reality in which he hadn’t confronted Yamaguchi. He can pretend that stupid Hinata never butted into his personal life and that Yamaguchi really does love Kei with all of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I love Tsukkiyama!!! My precious children!!!
> 
> Also me: Put them in an unrequited love situation that does not have a resolved ending
> 
> Welp...I tried ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
